Monday, January 26, 2015

"Looking and Douching" / SNL Bachelor Parody/ Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter/ Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

"Looking and Douching"

While watching the latest installment of HBO's gay series last night, Looking, I realized that in over 100 works of gay fiction I've written I never actually got into the act of anal douching with characters in any great amount of detail. I sometimes write the character "took care of things" before or after a sex scene. But never thought it was important to go into too much detail about this...preaching to the choir? 

Evidently, not the case in Looking. They actually added so much douchery into the storyline in such detail I don't think I'll ever be able to see Jonathan Groff again without thinking of mountain fresh scent. We saw Jonathan buy the douche, joke around about the douche with the clerk in the store in a lame attempt at humor, and we even saw him on his knees and elbows while he douched his ass. What that part was about I still don't understand...getting down on the floor in THAT position. Without going into detail here on the blog, I never found it necessary to do that.

And then, just when you thought the douchery scenes were all over, they brought it up again while Jonathan was in bed with the guy he's cheating with.

Speaking of cheating and Looking, it's interesting to see how this storyline of infidelity is being handled. Jonathan's character is sleeping with another man's partner/lover. The interesting thing is there doesn't seem to be an ounce of remorse about this. While he's stuffing himself with mountain fresh scent, and another man's partner, on a regular basis so far it's all giggles and laughs and let the games begin.

I watched with Tony last night. We usually have the same taste in TV shows and movies and when we don't we usually give in and let the other one watch whatever he wants. In this case, gay themed TV is almost always something we both enjoy. But last night, during Looking, I don't think I've ever heard Tony groan so much aloud. At one point I thought he was in pain. From the douchery scenes to the cheating scenes, he kept asking me how much time was left, and when will it all end. And I'm starting to wonder if that's how other people are feeling.

I had to watch the show; just for blogging purposes alone. But frankly, if they don't make Jonathan Groff's character a little less self-indulgent I'm not sure how long I'll continue to watch. When this show first started I thought it was filled with promise. I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know one single gay man in my life who ever enjoyed infidelity as much as Jonathan's character does. For me, it just gets tired. If I can't relate to the character I can still watch. But if I don't like the character it's a completely different thing.

SNL Bachelor Parody

I've never seen the reality show The Bachelor, and I haven't watched SNL since the early years of the Bush administration. I think reality TV is tired and completely staged, and I think network shows like SNL are about as relevant now as dial up land line telephones.

But they both still seem to be holding their own, so to speak, with a certain market and there was a recent question about whether or not SNL went too far with its parody of The Bachelor.

The Bachelor has been called into question for its lack of diversity before, and Shelton even takes that issue on as he tells one of the black women, "Would you be cool with never seeing another black person again?" In the parody, he went even further: "There's so many beautiful girls here, but I have to send three of them home. Probably the two black girls plus one of the curly haired ones."

I have no opinion because I don't watch either show. However, I do just once wish that someone would go after SNL the way they've been going after everyone else. Of course, with parody. Make it gay parody on straight liberal people humor. And start with the way that show is and always has been designed for the most heteronormative market out there. With the way they go overboard trying to apologize to the black community and the gay community I think a parody on them would be even more amusing than one on The Bachelor. We could start with one about Michael Moore and his badass. I would do it myself, but that would mean I would have to actually watch SNL. Said me, never.

You can read the rest here.

Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter

This can be a serious matter...even though it hasn't been talked about on Looking yet. Although I've posted articles about anal sex before in a variety of ways, as I see them popping up in gay culture, I've never posted anything about one of the most important aspects of anal sex: the sphincter muscles. It could be the difference between good anal and bad, and depending on whether or not yours is too tight or too loose really does matter a lot.

If you've been around and back, you might want to check out this article below about tightening that old anal sphincter. No one wants to top for the Lincoln Tunnel. And those of you who do get pounded regularly won't even know this because you're on the wrong end of the stick, so to speak. But that top guy who isn't going to reply to your texts the next day knows exactly what's wrong.

Of course this article is designed with medical terms for more practical reasons. But the same concept applies to tightening the anal sphincter with regard to anal sex. Here you go:

 Kegel exercises, also called pelvic floor exercises, can help reduce fecal incontinence by strengthening rectal muscles. To perform them, tighten the muscles of the anus, buttocks and pelvis as if you were trying to prevent the escape of stool or gas. Hold the muscles as tightly as you can for at least five seconds, then relax. Do 30 of these at a time, three times daily, for a total of 90 Kegels a day. This regimen may cause improvement in fecal incontinence within a matter of weeks.

Now, if things are too tight down there, which usually tends to be the case, this article might help you...and your partner.

Even if a person does feel comfortable during anal sex, he or she may still need to learn voluntary control over his or her internal sphincter in order to relax it at will. Doing so requires regularly inserting a finger, perhaps in the shower each day, and feeling the internal sphincter. The muscle changes spontaneously and in response to behavior. In this instance, simply paying attention is more important than trying to relax. Anyone can gradually learn to control the internal sphincter at will.

It really is a matter of concentration. And once you learn how to master this you'll be trying to figure out ways to tighten that sphincter up in no time at all.

For those of you who don't think this can be an issue, this amusing exchange at Yahoo will back me up...no pun intended.  It's about a guy who is wondering if "his" hole is too tight for anal sex.

The anus is a muscle like any other. A gymnast or dancer stretches on a regular basis to maintain flexibility. He or she doesn't just wait until they have to perform. You don't sound like you have anal sex very often, so perhaps he needs to get more comfortable with regular anal penetration. Buy him a small, flexible ********* (jelly or silicone), and use that to loosen him up. Incorporate it into other sex play. See if he can get comfortable just wearing it around the house . Ideally he should start having "stretchy time" every day for a short while. When the ********* stops feeling big he can go up a size. Repeat this process until minimal warm-up is required for anal sex and there is very little (if any) discomfort. 

I would suggest removing the ********* while driving or jogging. That could be embarrassing.

Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

I really don't like going after anyone's physical appearance online. This is the first time I've ever done it and I hope the last. I think it's the lowest form of online behavior. However, sometimes a point needs to be made. 


That ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck, Howard Stern, who gained fame in the early nineties by bashing and shocking everyone...which is his only talent in life...is now going after Brit singer, Sam Smith, without provocation. And he's doing this in the most vituperative way since he went after Kathy Lee Griffin. It must be that Stern has become as irrelevant as SNL and he needs publicity. He also knows a guy like Sam Smith is far too polite to go after him and call him what he is...an ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck. You know, because the gay people are all too polite to ever reply in a less than dignified manner. Of course I would probably react the same way Sam is reacting, however, I did want to point out that there are different ways to approach this kind of attack Stern has launched.

Stern is also gay-shaming.

In an astonishing verbal on air attack, Howard Stern, a veteran US radio show host and judge on America's Got Talent, said of UK singer Sam Smith: 'Do you know what I love about that guy? He’s an ugly motherf***er.' 

'He’s fat. And I love it. You know what, he looks gay to me. Not that anybody looks gay but he does seem effeminate,' he added. 

The 61-year-old DJ, which TMZ once dsecribed as having made a career out of controversy, also predicted the openly gay singer's career success will be short-lived. 

It's hard to go after someone who will be on social security in a few short years, but seriously sometimes we just have to forget all about that peace and love business and call it for what it is. It's just a different approach. And that ugly fucking Howard Stern should be the LAST person on earth to call anyone else ugly.

You can read more here, where there's a series of Tweets in Smith's defense.


Chase of a Lifetime
 
 





 


Sunday, January 25, 2015

Gay Film Review: Love Is Strange

Gay Film Review: Love Is Strange

Frankly, this film was strange. The beginning started out with huge promise, with an established gay couple living in their small but comfortable NYC apartment, getting ready for their legal wedding. Ben and George are together almost 40 years, and I sat back thinking I would finally see a film that celebrates gay men in long term relationships. The wedding was excellent, the small reception in their apartment was believable. But what follows after that left me wondering more than a few times.

Before I continue, keep in mind this is an established gay couple together for almost 40 years without any of the obvious signs of distress. By distress I mean serious alcoholism, drug addiction, emotional issues that cause them to over spend and go into debt. They seem to have good credit ratings, they seem to pay their bills on time, and they live within their means. In fact, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with either of them, so you would imagine that by the time they reach this stage in their lives they have something put away for a rainy day, or at least a certain amount of equity in something tangible in case of an emergency. Unless I missed something, these guys followed all the rules just like everyone else in America. They are so heteronormative and sexless they make Lucy and Ricky look like sinners.

George, the younger of the two, works as a music teacher for a Catholic school in NY. After his legal wedding, word gets out...through facebook of course...that he and Ben were legally married and ultimately George loses his job with the Catholic school. This trope has become so cliche I'm not even going to get into that in this review, in depth, because I just don't understand why anyone would put themselves in a position like that, knowing how much they depend on their job. I don't agree with the Catholic church on this, clearly, but I don't expect them to change the rules for me or any other gay couple overnight. The reality is that the Catholic church does not support gay marriage, plain and simple. So if you're working as a teacher in a Catholic school you're going to have to play by their rules whether you like it or not. And for the record, I went through 12 years of Catholic school and I know plenty of gay Catholics who do support gay marriage and gay couples. There are a lot of things overlooked we don't hear about, and Ben and George are not the only gay couples linked to Catholic schools. Just ask a nun when no one is listening. She'll tell you the truth.

In any event, what happens to George and the way he's fired sucks. It can happen in real life, too, and that sucks even more. However, what unfolds following this just left me wondering about what is missing from the storyline. As a result of this job loss at the Catholic School, George and Ben are faced with serious financial issues so horrific they are forced to sell their apartment and move in with relatives. And this all just sounded too contrived to me. First, they sell the apartment and only make a small profit, partly because they sold it too soon and are required to pay a penalty fee to the co-op. The realtor couldn't have mentioned this ahead of time? George and Ben couldn't have gotten a line of credit to hold them over until the grace period lapsed? They themselves weren't bright enough to know this was coming ahead of time? It's just not plausible. This is not how normal people who own property behave in a time of crisis. Gay men who reach that age are so familiar with this sort of financial management they can run circles around most straight people. And that's because they had to worry about it because they couldn't get legally married. So either Ben and George are just a couple of idiots who don't even know the basics, or this part of the plot was pulled out of a hat for pure drama. In other words, it's hard to be a gay man who has worked hard all his life and take these two seriously. 

Then it gets even worse. Okay, they lost the apartment and don't have enough money coming in to keep them together as a couple so they split up and George moves in with these weird gay friends who party all the time and poor old Ben goes to live with a nephew who makes him sleep in the bottom half of a fucking bunk bed. Again, I could understand this if there were something fundamentally wrong with either Ben or George...something serious where there's no other alternative. But the way they are portrayed in the film shows they are as normal as it gets.

In the course of my lifetime so far, I've known many older gay couples who have gone through a reversal of fortune and they've had to scale back drastically, change their lifestyles, and learn to live on a more limited budget. I know one who lost his dental practice, invested all his money in a ridiculous business scheme, and had to start from scratch all over again with nothing. I could give so many examples of how these gay couples coped with this I could fill this page with stories about moving to Fort Lauderdale to living in a small condo in New Jersey. But never in my 42 year old gay life have I seen a gay couple who would move in with relatives and sleep in a bunk bed unless there's a legitimate logical reason for this to happen, without any hope for anything else at all. Literally, the next step for Ben and George, as they are portrayed in this film, is sleeping on the street. And as a married gay man in a relationship for over twenty years I can tell you for certain I would just as soon take a room at the Ramada Inn somewhere in New Jersey than move in with a relative and sleep in a bunk bed.

I won't give out any important spoilers because there are a few surprises at the end. The love that is shown in the film and the strong marital bond Ben and George share is wonderful. It breaks your heart and makes you cry to watch them forced into separation...until you start to wonder what's wrong with them...what aren't we getting? Did Ben play poker and lose everything on male strippers? Did George squander all his money on video games and booze? That part of the storyline is completely overlooked and if you are gay and married for a certain amount of time you have to wonder why this flaw is so obvious.

But I think what bothers me the most is that when straight people see this film they will think all older gay couples are like this...or could wind up in a position like this eventually. Of course I guess anything can happen, but that's so far from what I've always known as a gay man surrounded by other older gay couples it's almost as if I feel insulted by the way Ben and George are portrayed. We think about our finances all the time, maybe even more so because most of us know we don't have kids of our own to depend on when we're older. I have one friend who went through a serious reversal of fortune...from millions to social security...and he's still in his home. He's close to 80 and he's still working part time to supplement his income. And good friends have helped him out, too. So where are Ben and George's good friends? I had to wonder that as well. They don't know any older gay couples? The only gay couple they know are two younger goofs who party to the point of ridiculous?

The hardest part about this movie is that it could have been so good if a little more attention had been paid to reality and important details. I know the writer/director is gay, so I can't blame this on cultural lack of knowledge...I really just don't get it. At the same time, this ridiculous portrayal of an older gay couple who are too damn dumb to even know the basics about their own finances has been nominated, and won, several awards.

I think all this critical praise is because at a glance the movie has all the schmaltz and faux art elements the elite crowd seems to absorb with relish. I can't say that I hated the movie either. I continued to watch just to see if Ben would get tired of sleeping in a bunk bed and get his act together and find a good cheap hotel so he and George could be together. And what happens in the end will probably surprise you, and leave you either thrilled or disappointed. I only wish just once someone who makes a movie like this would pay more attention to how older gay couples live and think and deal with financial issues instead of just guessing and creating a storyline that leaves a handful of us who do know better wondering.

  


Poison Gay Wedding Cakes? Perez Hilton in Underwear; James Franco Kissing Gay Man

Poison Gay Wedding Cakes?

I'm starting this post with the fact that everyone who follows me knows I do, and always will, support equality and gay marriage. Most people also know I'm not very political. That should go without saying, however, the way things get turned around these days you clearly have to cover every last fucking track you leave.

The headline reads, Conservative US pundit jokes about poison in wedding cakes for same-sex couples, which is probably one of the most misleading headlines I think I've ever seen. Notice how they don't even capitalize headlines anymore. They're talking about something conservative pundit, Ben Carson, said recently during a conference. At a glance, they spin it to make it look as though Carson is doing a comedy routine about poisoning gay couples with wedding cakes when in reality he was giving an extreme example of something that could happen.

Here's what was said:

'What I have a problem with is when people try to force people to act against their beliefs because they say "they're discriminating against me,"' Carson said, according to The Hill. 

'So they can go right down the street and buy a cake, but no, let's bring a suit against this person because I want them to make my cake even though they don't believe in it,' he continued. 'Which is really not all that smart because they might put poison in that cake.'

I don't agree with anything Ben Carson stands for. He makes me gag. He's a tool for Fox news and a good one at that. I'm sure he's compensated well just like all other pundits, including our very own Rachel Maddow. But if you think that what he said suggests in any way he would like to see anti-gay bakeries put poison in gay wedding cakes I feel very sorry for you, because that means "they" have accomplished "their" goal.

You can read the rest here. In an ironic twist, it's actually a great example of bad journalism that fuels people like Ben Carson and helps make them even more money than they already have.

I call bullshit on this one.

Perez Hilton in Underwear

This is only post-worthy because I've already posted twice about Perez Hilton being a house guest on the UK's version of Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother.  Evidently, Hilton did not get evicted from the house this week, and was so excited about it he stripped down to his underwear.

Host Emma Willis said it was a very close eviction, with 1% separating the bottom three contestants on the UK reality TV show. 

Hilton was then seen stripping down to his underwear and licking his own skin as he celebrated his victory, despite crowds outside the house chanting: ‘Get Perez out!’ 

My new rule this year on the blog is that I'm not knocking other gay people...unless it really, really needs to be said. In this case, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

You can read the rest here. Stay tuned for more Perez and CBB. 

James Franco Kissing Gay Man

I've been ignoring most things related to James Franco, frankly because I find him a little dull lately. He seems to be going to camp. And I'm one of the four people in the world who actually "got" his novel, Actors Anonymous, and reviewed it with five stars.

Of course the way he's been promoting his new film, I Am Michael, is pure cultural appropriation...because he's straight playing gay. The nasty little fucker is laughing at us, and I also think with us, and people are loving every minute of it. So I can't actually knock Francofor being good at what he does. In fact, he's overpowered this film so much no one even realizes Zachary Quinto is in it.

Franco plays Michael Glatze – the man who went from gay, proud and founder of a gay twink magazine to become a pastor and the poster boy for the ‘ex-gay’ movement. 

Quinto plays his former boyfriend and at one point in the film they take part in a steamy threesome scene with Teen Wolf star Charlie Carver. (see photo below)

The rest of the article is here. 

The reviews are interesting, at least from what I've seen. I won't run out to see this one, but I probably will see it eventually.


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Saturday, January 24, 2015

Anti-Gay Message Cake; School Denies Admission to Gay Dads; Patick Stewart Flattered to Be Gay

Anti-Gay Message Cake

Along with the discrimination, hate, and unrest that's been happening with a few so-called good Christian bakers right here in the US who have refused to bake gay wedding cakes, there's now another spin to add to the story of free speech, religious freedom, and really nasty people. And aside from everything else, that seriously is what it comes down to...nasty people who carry pitchforks in the name of religion...the holy ones.

This particular holy one went into a bakery in Colorado and asked the baker to make a cake with a bible. She had no problem with that. But when the holy one asked her to write some kind of vituperative statement about gays on the cake, the baker declined and now she's facing legal issues as a result.

The holy one claims the baker discriminated against his religious beliefs for not putting a hate message on the cake. The holy one filed a complaint.

She said she would make the cake, but declined to write his suggested messages on the cake, telling him she would give him icing and a pastry bag so he could write the words himself. Silva said the customer didn't want that.

"It's just horrible. It doesn't matter if, you know, if you're Catholic, or Jewish, or Christian, if I'm gay or not gay or whatever," said Silva, 40, adding that she has made cakes regularly for all religious occasions. "We should all be loving each other. I mean there's no reason to discriminate."

If I were the baker, I would have handled this much differently. I'd rather not comment on that in writing. 


School Denies Admission to Gay Dads

I want to make it clear that I'm not siding with the Christian school that denied admission to a child because the dads are gay. I think the school should be avoided at all cost. I think they are the scum of the earth. With that said, I can't help wonder why two gay dads would even want their kid exposed to that kind of emotional abuse from the Christian school. Are they trying to make a statement?

In any event, two gay dads are now going berserk because some Christian school wants no part of them.

Married couple Brian Copeland and Greg Bullard have been searching for the perfect school to send their young son. Their first priority in seeking a quality education, was a place that would be safe for their child -- a school where their family would be welcomed. Additionally, as Greg is Senior Pastor at a local church, a school where a focus on faith was also important.

So Brian asked a friend about Davidson Academy, a Christian school with no direct affiliation to any religious organization or church. The friend seemed to think the school would be very amenable to a family like theirs, in fact a representative from Davidson had told this friend exactly that when they inquired.

I'm sure the two gay dads are very good people. I don't doubt that at all. I'm sure they believe in what they are doing, for whatever reasons that I'll never fully understand. But why they would subject an innocent kid to that backward kind of thinking just passes me by. It's not like fucking Harvard rejected them. Plus, I'm a strong believer in the public school system and the separation of church and state. Get your faith and bible at home.

You can read the rest here. 

Patrick Stewart Flattered to Be Gay

Those who follow me have been listening to me harp about the way some straight men always seem to take offense when someone mistakes them for being gay. It's like the world ends, their dicks fall off, and nothing else could be worse than calling them gay. And that kind of gay shame freaks me out more than the honest holy one who wants to write gay hate speech on cakes. At least I know where I stand with the holy one. He's telling me the truth. But these straight guys who claim to support gays and then go batshit whenever someone suggests they might be gay really bothers me.

But that seems to be changing. This is the second time today I've seen a comment like this from a straight guy who was mistaken as gay.

Patrick Stewart says he was "flattered" when The Guardian mistakenly identified him as gay in a 2014 article. 

The 74-year-old "X-Men" star tells The Advocate he was ultimately proud of the assumption, which appeared in a Feb. 17 article detailing Ellen Page's coming out, penned by writer Jane Czyzselska.

"Indeed the first contact I had was from Ian McKellen, who sent me an email saying, ‘Congratulations!’ And I accepted the congratulations and said, ‘I think this is a very distinctive honor that I’ve been awarded,’” he recalls in a new interview with Jase Peeples of The Advocate.

Now that's how you handle the situation. Take note, little Harry Potter man. When this topic was discussed with Daniel Radcliff and I posted about it here, I was amazed at how many times Radcliff had to let the world know he had a girlfriend. But even more amazed at how many gay men were willing to let him off the hook. Self-loathing comes in many forms and takes years to understand.

Here's a quote from Radcliff:

 'I’m pleased my girlfriend (Erin Darke) comes up before alcoholic or gay,' Radcliffe says.

He's pleased....because you know he's not gay, of course.


You can read the rest of the Patrick Stewart article here. 

Chase of a Lifetime
 
 



Friday, January 23, 2015

Free Gay Excerpt; Gay Semiotics; Male Full Frontal Nudity on TV; Rapper Big Dipper

Gay Semiotics

Semiotics basically means a study of communication and behavior through elements that might include symbolic references...like the symbolic handkerchief deal in gay culture. I took a grad course once about communication and literature that was so complicated the professor admittedly didn't even get all the time. In this case, however, they're talking about gay subculture in the 1970's, and the distinct ways gay people defined themselves in what really was the first time in gay culture people were actually open about it.

Photographer Hal Fisher was especially interested in these newfound gay signifiers, and as part of his 1977 publication Gay Semiotics, he provided detailed itemized descriptions of the gay experience in San Francisco at the time. Note the very early use of the term “basic gay,” though we’re guessing he didn’t mean it quite the same way.

Of course this was before my time and what's been dubbed as the pre-aids era in gay culture. I have older friends who still talk about it all the time and I always feel as if I've missed a huge event. 

EARRING
An earring in the right lobe may suggest that the wearer prefers to play the passive role during sexual activity. Conversely, an earring in the left lobe may signify active behavior on the part of the wearer. Unlike the other signifiers, however, Right/Left placement of the earring is not always indicative of Passive/Active tendencies on the part of the wearer. Furthermore, the earring or stud is often adopted by non-homosexual men, thus making the earring the most subtle of homosexual signifiers.


I honestly don't know about any of these signs and symbols. They died out in the 90's in most parts of gay culture.

You can read the rest of them here. There's a link to the book with a price tag of $500, which I don't get completely. I've posted about used books of mine selling on Amazon for $50 and upward, money I obviously never get because the books are used. I've also seen my books on E-bay for these ridiculous prices, too. Maybe there's something with used books about gay culture. I'm not sure about that. But you can check that out with the link, too.

Male Full Frontal Nudity on TV

I've posted many times about the double standards on TV and in films with full frontal nudity in general. I've posted each time I noticed a glimpse of male full frontal nudity on TV. It's all in the archives with a simple search. And evidently I'm not the only one who wants to see more male full frontal nudity on TV. The creator of Queer as Folk recently said this:

There is not enough male frontal nudity on TV. You’re far more likely to see a naked woman than a naked man. It’s only [seen as] rude because the rest of television is rather tame — it doesn’t actually talk about sex and our bodies and how we feel about them. I’m not out to shock.”

Here's the link, with a photo of Charlie Hunnam. Last night while Tony and I were watching the season finale of American Horror: Freak Show, we were waiting to see if Dandy would be killed off with full frontal nudity. He was in his underpants.

Rapper Big Dipper

There's a web series called Big Dipper's World where big guys are celebrated, often in what sounds like interesting ways. I've never seen it and can't comment. But it looks like fun and the comments all sound encouraging.

Or as the bubbly queer rapper succinctly puts it in episode one:

“Feel your oats. Feel your body. Feel your friends. Just walk around and let everybody have it.”

I'm all for anything that can help remove body stereotypes and improve the quality of life for gay men with respect to body image. I've been starving since high school and it becomes a mind set you simply can't get rid of no matter how hard you try. You're gay; you're expected to be thin. If you're not, God help you. 

You can check out a sample video here. 

Chase of a Lifetime


Free Gay Excerpt

Here's an excerpt from an upcoming book I'm re-releasing with a new title, Meadows Are Not Forever.



"If you'd like, I'll show you a few tricks from my act," Harold said.
Cade shrugged.  He didn't even know the guy.  But he didn't have anything better to do.  And there was something about Harold's sinewy good looks that made his heart beat a little faster than normal.  "Sure, I'd like that.  I'll bet you're very good."
Harold dropped the sheers in the grass and said, "I'll be right back.  I have a few things in the truck.  Don't move."
When he was gone, Cade looked down for his swim trunks so he could get dressed before Harold returned.  But they weren't on the grass next to his lounge chair.  They weren't behind the chair and they weren't under the chair.  Cade was certain he'd set them down nearby when he'd removed them; just in case he had to put them on again fast.  But by the time he turned to see if he'd left them on the table near the pool, he saw big strong Harold loping down the back lawn carrying a small leather travel bag.
Cade smoothed out the towel and made sure his private parts were well covered.  He didn't want Harold to get the wrong impression.  Even though he'd suspected that Harold might have been flirting with him, he couldn't always trust his own instincts when it came to these things.  Meadow said Cade was like all the gay men she knew: he tended to think all good looking young guys were gay, or had the potential to be gay.  And it was getting harder to tell these days.  Cade had been wrong more than once and he didn't want Harold Smith to think he was trying to seduce him.  Something like that in Salem County, New Jersey could cause a scandal that would linger for years to come.  The Catholic boy with red hair and freckles who was always running after the priests and used to bake cakes for the summer carnival at the Catholic Church once made a pass at a straight guy.  The rumors began and his family wound up moving to Delaware in the middle of the school year, never to be heard from again.
Harold sat down at the bottom of Cade's lounge chair and set the black leather case on the grass.  He unzipped it and pulled out a deck of cards.  "I'll just do a few really simple tricks right now.  I don't want to bore you to death."  Then he moved his thigh toward Cade and shuffled the cards right on his leg.
When his knee brushed against Cade's naked calf, Cade felt something stir between his legs.  Thankfully by then Cade was old enough to know how to control his feelings.  So he gazed down and watched how Harold handled the deck of cards, with the skill and grace of a true card shark.  The cards fluttered; his large nimble fingers did a dance.
Harold spread the cards out in a fan on the chair and told Cade to choose one.  Cade picked one from the center and Harold told him to memorize it, concentrate on it, and then put it back into the deck face down so he couldn't see it.  Harold shuffled the deck again and cut it three ways.  He spread the cards into a fan again and concentrated on them for a second.  And when he pulled a card from the center and turned it over, it was the exact same card Cade had chosen.
"How did you do that?"  Cade asked.  He couldn't stop staring at the card.  He even forgot he was naked.  The towel slid down his leg and exposed his naked hip.
"Practice," Harold said.  "Magic is a skill you learn and practice over and over until you get it right.  It's all illusion."  His voice sounded even smoother now, as if he were about to do the six o'clock news.
"Do it again."  Cade rubbed his palms together.  He'd always been attracted to these things.  Show him a circus tent with a side show and his heart started beating faster.  If there was a monkey and a bearded lady, he'd pay anything to see them.
Harold repeated the same trick six times, and each time he found the exact card Cade had picked from the deck.  Then he showed Cade a few more card tricks that left Cade's mouth half open and his palm against his chest.  And while Harold worked his magic, he often spoke as if he were on stage speaking to an audience, with a deep, smooth announcer's voice.  Harold had one of those well-trained, silky voices, with a deep natural resonance that made Cade's eyelids grow heavy.  If he hadn't been a magician, he could have been a host on one of those soft late night radio shows Meadow always liked to listen to when she couldn't get to sleep.  He'd have made a fortune selling used cars to gay men and straight women.
"Show me how to do a trick," Cade said.  He spoke too fast and had to catch his breath.
Harold smiled; he waved the fan of cards.  "Oh, I don't know," he said.  "This is an old art and you can't just learn it in a few minutes.  You have to study and practice for years."
Cade knew Meadow would love this card trick.  And it would torture her not to know how to do it.  And the guys at the condo would love it even more.  "Oh, please," he said.  He moved forward and didn't notice the towel slide down another inch, exposing his entire naked right side.  "Just show me the most basic card trick you know.  I'm good with cards.  I play poker all the time with my best friend, Meadow."  He usually lost.  But he didn't mention this…or that they played poker with Oreo cookies instead of chips.
Harold sent him a long, slow glance.  He lowered his voice to a stage whisper and said, "I'll show you a trick that's very easy.  But you have to promise you'll never tell anyone where you learned it.  It's one of the oldest card tricks there is.  And it's considered very sacred with all magicians.  If anyone knew I was even thinking about telling you how to do this, they'd banish me from the profession."
Cade's eyes opened wider; his lips parted.  He thought it was so special the way Harold was so willing to take him into his confidence.  Cade felt so honored and so thankful he leaned forward and pressed his palm to his heart.  "I promise.  I'll never tell anyone.  You can trust me, Harold. I’ll take this to my grave."
Harold nodded.  Then he shuffled the cards and said, "I'll do the trick once, and then I'll show you something you'll never forget."
"Oh, thank you," Cade said.  He'd never been so flattered in his life.  "You have no idea how much this means to me.  You're a great guy."  And here he thought he wouldn't have anyone to talk to in Salem County.  He couldn't wait to tell Meadow about Harold, his new friend, only he'd leave out the part about being caught naked.  She could turn something perfectly innocent into something naughty.
 Harold shuffled the cards again, and then he spread them out into a fan.  "Now you pick just one card.  Look at it, and then put it right back into the deck face down.  And remember the card you chose."
Cade smiled.  He picked a card toward on right side of the fan this time, thinking he'd mix things up a little and make it more difficult for Harold.  He pulled the card out, hid it in his curved palm, and gazed down at the queen of hearts.  Then he turned the card over very slowly so Harold couldn't see what it was and slid it back into the left side of the fan.
"Okay," Harold said.  "I want you to look into my eyes and repeat these words with me: out of the darkness comes light and beauty; out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder.  And you have to concentrate on the card you chose.  This trick is about as magical as it gets.  I think you'll love it. I can’t wait to see what you think."
Cade blinked.  "Magic words?"
Harold set his jaw.  "I'm serious," he said.  "If you're not interested in saying the magic words, we don't have to do this."
Cade felt a thump I his stomach.  He hadn't meant to sound skeptical.  "I didn't mean anything.  I'll say the magic words.  Don't worry.  I was just a little surprised, is all. I’m not familiar with magic."
"And you have to look deep into my eyes while you say the words," Harold said.
Cade nodded; his eyes widened.  "I will.  I promise."  This was getting really exciting now.  He couldn't wait to see what would happen next.
"Do you remember the card you picked?"  Harold asked.
"Yes.  I remember it."
"Okay," Harold said.  "Now look into my eyes and repeat the magic words with me.  And concentrate hard on the card you picked.  You'll be rewarded very well for this."
Cade looked into his eyes; his chest caved in and he felt every muscle in his body relax.  This was one of the most exciting things he'd done in a long time.  When Harold nodded, they both said, "Out of the darkness comes light and beauty; out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder."
Harold said, "Repeat it with me one more time."
So they did it again.
When they were finished, Harold shuffled the cards one more time and spread them out in a fan.  He held up the jack of diamonds and asked, "Is this the card you picked?"
Cade felt a pull in his stomach.  It was the first time Harold had been wrong.  He smiled and tilted his head.  "I'm sorry, no it's not."
Harold made a face; his eyebrows furrowed.  He chose another.  "Is this the card?"
Cade glanced at the three of clubs and said, "Nope.  Sorry."  This wasn't going well at all.  Poor Harold Smith. 
On his third try, Harold chose the ace of spades.
Cade shrugged.  "I'm sorry, that's not the right card either.  Maybe I did something wrong this time.  Maybe we should do it again.  It's probably my fault.  I tend to mix things up sometimes."  The expression on Harold's handsome face had fallen by then.  Cade hated to see anyone in distress that way, especially someone so adorable.  "Maybe I didn't concentrate hard enough on the card."
Harold closed his eyes and squinted.  "No, that's not it.  I've had this happen before.  I'll figure it out."  He rubbed his jaw and concentrated for a moment.  He repeated, "Out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder, out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder, out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder."
Cade gaped at him.  He'd never seen anyone concentrate so hard on anything.  From the way he was squinting, it looked downright painful.
Then Harold opened his eyes slowly.  He lifted his right hand and snapped his fingers.  "I think I know what happened.  Sometimes the energy gets mixed up with different frequencies on hot days like this.  Sometimes the card winds up somewhere else other than inside the deck."
It sure was hot that day.  Cade leaned forward.  "Where do you think the card went?"
Harold smiled.  He pointed to the towel over Cade's private parts and said, "Spread your legs a little for me."
Cade blinked again.  "Spread my legs?"
Harold nodded.  "Just spread them a little.  It's okay.  Sometimes these things happen and there’s no need to get nervous."
Cade spread his legs and looked down at his lap.  Harold's large hand slid up beneath the white towel and stopped between Cade's legs.  Cade felt Harold's knuckles brush the inside of his right thigh.
Harold remained still for a moment.  He lingered, with his knuckles against Cade's bare skin.  He closed his eyes and said, "Out of the garden comes sweetness and wonder."
   Cade's eyes bugged as Harold's hand slide out from beneath the towel. He almost fell sideways when Harold pulled a single playing card out from between his legs and smiled.


Thursday, January 22, 2015

Real Life vs Gay Apps; Gay Pornster Johnny Rapid Arrested; Robbie Rogers on FIFA and World Cup Russia

Real Life vs Gay Apps

LGBT news is really dull this month, so I'm bottom feeding right now with this story about if guys acted in real life the way they do in gay apps. This is actually a video and it's pretty self-explanatory, but it does make an important social commentary I think we all deal with these days with the way people represent themselves online as opposed to the way they would behave in real life. 

And as digital grids of thirsty queens replace public cruising, it only makes sense that people’s behavior would get more audacious. What’s the worst that can happen? You get ignored, blocked, maybe a nasty response. But the rejection is minimal, and then it’s on to the next.

What would happen if the tables turned again and we transferred our digital behavior back into the 3D world?

This is why I think about what I say or do online carefully all the time, so I never give off the impression that I'm not who I say I am. Of course I'm not going to post photos of me before coffee in the morning, but I think it's important not to lead people on, online, with false impressions. Or, to say things I normally wouldn't say in the real world. Evidently, that's not always the case in the hook up scene.

Here's a link to watch the video. 


Gay Pornster Johnny Rapid Arrested

Remember how I posted about gay for pay porn star, Johnny Rapid, baiting Justin Bieber with 2 million dollars to do a porn video with him? Well good old Johnny is back in the news, and this time it's all about an alleged threesome with a 14 year old girl and beating his girlfriend.

A newly released police report reveals the 22-year-old Men.com performer, whose real name is Hylan Taylor, is being charged with battery for allegedly choking, pushing and hitting his girlfriend last year. 

In the report, it alleges the girlfriend refused to arrange a threesome between the couple and a 14-year-old girl on 9 October. 

A Rockdale County, Georgia officer writes the couple encountered a young Asian female at a bowling alley who told Taylor's girlfriend she was 18. 

The rest of this sordid story is here.

I'll bet we read more about this in the coming weeks. And, if you're interested in knowing more about good old Johnny Rapid here's a link that talks more about his background. I'd rather not waste time quoting this one. The tone of the article is about as dumb as dumb gets.

Robbie Rogers on FIFA and World Cup Russia

I'm sure no one could forget the shabby way Johnny Weir treated the entire Russian Olympic debacle last year.  It was not received well at all.

In direct contrast to Weir, openly gay footballer, Robbie Rogers, is now speaking out about how he feels about FIFA having the world cup in Russia. And he's doing a damn good job this time.

'I would never pressure anyone into speaking about the issue but it is absolutely insane,' he told Sky Sports. 

'If you look at the next few World Cups, they are in places where, if I were to go, I would possibly be imprisoned or beat up ... It is pretty ridiculous.' 

Rogers said FIFA, football's governing body, should be doing more to help gay players and fans. 

'There is going to be number of gay fans that will go to watch the sport. Of course there is going to be another gay footballer there,' Rogers said 'I think it is an issue that needs to be spoken about and discussed with Fifa because every player should feel safe when they go to a World Cup.' 

Rogers continues in the same fashion, which you can finish here. Finally, a gay man who is smart and isn't afraid to open his mouth. I think we'll be hearing more about this guy, too.

The Sheriff and the Outlaw
 
 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dumping Your F#$k Buddy; Gay "Bob" and Dolls; His HIV Status

Dumping Your F#$k Buddy

These articles always interest me because I've never had to experience something like this first hand. I never had a f#$k buddy, hope I never will have one, and it's interesting to see how others deal with these things.

In this case I'm talking about how to break up with a f#$k buddy. I think we all know what the term FB means by now so I'm not going to explain it. They do it in the article.

Here's rule 1:

RULE #1: Ask yourself: Why am I breaking up with him?
Getting laid on a regular basis is a good thing. So before you break it off, take a moment to ask yourself why you’re dumping him. We’ve seen too many perfectly good FB lost for no good reason.

Is the guy you are dating insisting you get rid of him?

Do you fear growing emotionally involved?

Or have you simply lost interest? Generally speaking, FBs have a famously short life expectancy before you are onto the next one. (With no hard feelings, of course.)

You can read the rest here. Rule 4 will make you smile.

Gay "Bob" and Dolls

I don't think I went to a birthday party in the 90's where a "Gay Bob" doll didn't show up during the unwrapping of the birthday gifts. And by then it was already considered old hat...my friends were a lot older then me at the time, too. For them it was a gag gift, in a retro sort of way. I think Gay Bob was introduced in the late 1970's, but don't quote me on that. It could have been the 80's.

I actually forgot about most of these gay dolls until I saw this article, with this video.

It’s the tally of the dolls! Comic Mike Diamond and pal Matinga take a trip down memory lane and remember all their favorite playthings from childhood, such as “Gay Bob,” which sported a fabulously colorful wardrobe and whose packaging made him appear to burst from his closet. The duo also recall the more recent Jeff Stryker figurine and the popular Billy doll, both featuring realistic male genitalia, or as Matinga suggests “a mini-huge Jeff Stryker penis.” We’re also reminded of Barbie’s pal Magic Earring Ken, who not only showed off a single earring, but was clad in a purple mesh shirt with coordinating vest and sported a lengthy gold chain adorned with something that resembled an impressive cock ring.

Check out the video here.  

His HIV Status

Here's another one that fascinates me because it's shedding new light on what's always been considered a taboo topic, it's not something I thought we'd ever see, and I think it helps take the stigma away from HIV. And that stigma still lives on today, no matter how much we learn and how much we already know.

In short, the entire article covers a good deal of how guys should (or might) look at dating these days, with regard to HIV status.

5. When does his HIV status absolutely matter? When he isn’t dealing with it.
When you have the HIV chat with Mr. Very Soon and he admits his last HIV test was before the final season of True Blood, you may want to think twice. Our sexual health depends on our getting tested regularly and addressing the results.

Likewise, if he is HIV-positive but hasn’t sought treatment because he says he feels great or doesn’t believe in taking pills, we have a problem. There are amazing new treatments for HIV. If you do not take advantage of them you might as well be living in 1987. Ask anyone who made it out of that decade alive and they will tell you it was not pretty. Even someone who truly believes they are undetectable may not be at the moment, given normal fluctuations in viral load, drug regimen, and strength of his immune system.

There's not much to argue with in this article, except for one thing. I think they assume that all the gay men reading this are having tons of sex...very often. The line about getting an HIV test before the final season of True Blood, to me, is odd because the final season wasn't that long ago. In fact, when I was single I wasn't hopping from bed to bed, man to man, enough to ever be tested with that kind of frequency. And I know who I was with, and what I did with them. HIV wasn't the only STD I was concerned about. I'm not trying to play holier than thou. I'm just stating that we can't choose being gay, but we can choose how to live our lives as gay men.

So if this article fails in one respect, I think it's because they are ignoring the fact that the people who should be reading it probably aren't going to know it even exists.

You can read the rest here.  

The Sheriff and the Outlaw